"Jill knows she is inferior, therefore she is superior to anyone who thinks she is superior to him."
My friend David Bradley bought me 4 books last month.
One of them is called KNOTS by R.D. LAING.
It’s a mad book, containing observations by the Oxford Professor of Poetry that he describes as,
"…remarkable insights into the ways human beings behave to one another."
Things People Think and Say.
I like the book because it contains just a few pieces of dialogue and prose over its 90 pages that I can dip into and out of.
I like books that I can pick up and put down.
My attention is rarely held for long.
However, with this book, the reason I dip out is because with more than half of it I don’t know what the hell it’s going on about.
This isn’t a book review.
Because I haven’t finished the book.
Because I don’t understand most of it.
But one or two bits of it are really amazing and explain big chunks of the human psyche really efficiently.
I recognise the behaviours and thinking in me and in people I know or knew from what I am reading.
Take the quote at the beginning of this little story.
The quote is simply saying that if you think everyone is better than you, and someone thinks everyone is not better than you, and because of this they like you, then you are better than them.
(You might want to read that again).
And so it might follow that they are not therefore good enough for you.
Because they couldn’t even fathom that everyone is better than you.
If this is describing you now, or in the past, or anyone you know or knew, then that person:
1. Will never allow themselves to love anyone because anyone worth loving would not be hoodwinked into thinking that you are lovable.
2. Will never allow anyone to love them because anyone that would entertain the idea of loving them is clearly not good enough to love them because they think you’re lovable, and you aren’t.
There’s a simple lesson I suppose.
And it’s an old one.
It’s that lesson about loving yourself being really important because, until you do, you cannot be involved in a truly loving relationship with anyone else.
I have always sensed this is true.
But I never really understood why it’s true.
I think I do now.
And by the way, I am sober as I write this.
Just in case you were wondering.
Read this again if you have 5 minutes.
I haven’t explained this brilliantly I don’t think…
But the quote at the beginning – I like it!
I think it really does explain why loving yourself is important.